Fleshbot: Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan Channels Kate Moss, Goes Topless

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 14:30:01 EST

Apparently, Lindsay Lohan is only comfortable posing topless when she's channeling another celebrity. We know that sounds weird...but bear with us here. First we had Lindsay as Marilyn Monroe; now she's channeling (topless) Kate Moss for Muse.

It goes without saying that anyone channeling Kate Moss should damn well better shoot a few topless shots...but still, we have to wonder: will we ever see Lindsay as topless Lindsay? Trust us, girl: you don't have to hide behind Marilyn and Kate...you're more than enough for us as it is.

· Lindsay Lohan Topless in Muse Magazine (egotastic.com)

Lindsay Lohan Savors The End Of Summer

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 14:30:01 EDT

Say what you will about Lindsay Lohan—and there's a lot you could say, about all different aspects of her life—but the girl still looks damn good in a bikini.

What can we say? We have a weakness for girls with red hair and freckles all over. And, okay, maybe that Hustler movie did a little bit to re-spark our interest, too. We're kinda easy that way.

Lindsay Lohan (more @ egotastic.com)
Lindsay Lohan (more @ egotastic.com)
Lindsay Lohan (more @ egotastic.com)
Lindsay Lohan (more @ egotastic.com)
Lindsay Lohan (more @ egotastic.com)

"Hustler’s Untrue Hollywood Stories" Starts With Lindsay Lohan

DCypher — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 15:00:00 EDT

We're not sure whose idea it was to go after starlets by blessing them with their own sex parodies, but it's pretty goddamn brilliant if you ask us. This is going to be good.

Perennial parody machine Hustler seems like the perfect place to put out a series called "Hustler's Untrue Hollywood Storie"— and Lindsay Lohan's public image, the precocious spoiled child actress turned luscious bisexually adventurous wild child, makes her the perfect target to launch this hilarious series. Sorry Paris, but lovely little Lilo was the first in your crew to publicly go gay. Don't worry, though—we're certain that your very own volume (and seven sparkling sequels) can't be far behind.

Scarlett Fay, Nicole Ray, Sadie Swede, Dylan Ryan, Rocco Reed, and Eden Adams help flesh out the hilarity of well known popular news gossip items from the last few years along with unsubstantiated rumors. Everything from the Marilyn Monroe photo shoot to her fleeting friendship with Paris to her whirlwind lesbian romance with DJ Samantha Ronson gets covered here—in full detail and then some. The Hedgehog himself, Ron Jeremy, even makes a special surprise celebrity groping appearance.

It's been a while since we've seen Jimmy D, the director behind the series, in action, but we're glad to know he's still in the mix. Not only is he a capable (albeit low key) director, he's also one of the best cameramen working in the industry. (And—fun fact!—he was also one of the first people to ever blog about the adult entertainment industry from inside the business.) We wish him a productive and happy run with this series.

"Hustler's Untrue Hollywood Stories: Lindsay Lohan" comes out soon. Sit back, check the gallery, and watch the lawsuits fly!

Hustler Takes On Lindsay Lohan In An "Untrue Hollywood Story"

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 16:30:01 EDT

With Lindsay Lohan quickly becoming a parody of herself, it seems only natural that she would end up the subject of a parody porn. Enter "Hustler's Untrue Hollywood Stories: Lindsay Lohan."

Starring the very LiLo-esque Scarlett Fay, the feature follows Lindsay through all her ups and downs: the Marilyn Monroe photo shoot, the relationship (and break up) with Sam Ronson, her stint as Paris Hilton's BFF... and lots of sex, drugs, and more sex (this is a porno, after all).

· Hustler's Untrue Hollywood Stories: Lindsay Lohan (hustlerworld.com)

A Side(boob)long Glance At Lindsay Lohan

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 10:30:00 EDT

Earlier this week, the media was awash with rumors that Lindsay Lohan would soon be dancing topless in a Las Vegas revue. Alas, the rumors were untrue—but at least we'll always have Lindsay's impressive sideboob.

(And, we might add, these other topless pictures of her, too.)

· Lindsay Lohan – Beautiful Side-Boobage In Hollywood (cameltap.com)

Lindsay Lohan And Samantha Ronson Vacation On The Island Of Lesbos

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 11:45:48 EDT

If one hot celebrity in a bikini is nice, two is even better. And two hot, bikini-clad celebrities who just so happen to be lovers? Call us a doctor, we're feeling a little dizzy! Someone let us know when Lindsay and Samantha "accidentally" "leak" that inevitable sex tape, okay? That would actually be one worth watching.

. . .

Project Nipplewatch: Top Ten Celebrity Nip Slips (For Now, Anyway)

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 13:15:26 EDT

Although we've been covering celebrity uncoverings for years now, we're still not really quite sure why it is that famous women have such a hard time keeping their nipples under wraps. But then again, who are we to ignore the desperate cry of areolas yearning to be free? Over the years, we've spotted more than a handful of accidentally uncovered nipples—or "nip slips," as the kids are calling them these days. After the jump, relive some of our favorite nipplewatch moments. And if they're not doing it for you? Not to worry; we're sure there will be a lot more where these came from before too long. It's sort of a tradition, you know.

. . .

In case you haven't already gone to the...

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:33:06 EDT

In case you haven't already gone to the library and done this yourself, here's a shot-by-shot comparison of the Lindsay Lohan/Marilyn Monroe photoshoots. If you happen to find a video of a Marilyn lookalike giving a blowjob, let us know. (ifitshipitshere.blogspot.com)

Internet sleuths have tracked down the video...

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 15:44:46 EDT

Internet sleuths have tracked down the video where that alleged Lindsay Lohan blowjob picture comes from and it's just as we suspected: about four seconds of grainy low-resolution footage of someone you can't identify giving some dude a blowjob. Also, if you listen closely to the garbled audio we believe you can hear a voice saying "Britney Spears is poor." Developing! MORE >>

. . .

· Video (xtube.com, via theblemish.com)

If we've really sunk so low as to pimp for...

Jonnobot — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 10:53:03 EDT

If we've really sunk so low as to ~~pimp for page views~~ get excited about the existence of a Lindsay Lohan sex tape based on one crappy, unintelligible screen grab, there's really not much hope for any of us. Of course, if it turns out the tape actually exists after all, there's even less hope for us too. (egotastic.com)

So how much money does New York magazine...

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 10:30:15 EST

So how much money does New York magazine stand to make by convincing Lindsay Lohan to take her bra off? How much do we stand to make by constantly bringing it up again? On second thought, forget we said anything. (forbes.com - thanks Sanj)

In case you haven't checked in on this post...

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 15:30:59 EST

In case you haven't checked in on this post in the last three or four hours, New York magazine has "found" some more Lindsay Lohan as Marilyn Monroe pictures and appended them to their previous slideshow. How convenient! (nymag.com)

Lindsay Lohan Channels Marilyn Monroe (In The Nude!)

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 10:15:15 EST

It's true that we've seen various sideboob, underboob, bikini and even full-on vagina-flashing action from hot again, not again superstarlet Lindsay Lohan, but her eager admirers have long been clamoring for her to take part in a truly legitimate naked photo shoot. Well, their zen-like patience has finally been rewarded — and judging by the "wow" factor these photos are sure to elicit, it was worth the wait. Apparently, all that was needed was to mention the name of her idol, Marilyn Monroe, and suggest that maybe she recreate the blonde bombshell's iconic final photo shoot and Miss Lindsay willingly obliged with the clothes flinging. Here's hoping the desire to follow in Marilyn's footsteps ends with the photos and not her sad fate—but if Lindsay wants to keep going down the nude modeling path, we think she's got a bright future there. (More goodies after the jump.)

. . .

· Lindsay Lohan Recreates Last Nude Photo Shoot of Marilyn Monroe (nymag.com)
· See also: Marilyn Monroe: The Last Sitting by Bert Stern (glamournet.com)

We Know How Lindsay Lohan Has Sex

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 11:21:13 EDT

Despite the promise of a Lindsay Lohan sex scene and the ripped from the headlines twist of her playing a stripper, the summer blockbuster "I Know Who Killed Me" had a surprisingly lackluster performance at the box office. Ok, it stunk ... bad. In fact, there's at least one woman who would rather clean her kitchen sink than watch this cinematic disaster ... and she's in the movie! Given her recent, ahem ... troubles, the thought of watching Lindsay have sex may make you want to you scrub something furiously too (like your eyeballs), but as part of our "Save U $10" public service program here it is anyway. Since her real-life one-day prison sentence is unlikely to produce any "caged heat"-style lesbian eroticism, this maybe all the hot Lohan action you're going to get for awhile. Savor every moment.

· "Lindsay Lohan I Know Who Killed Me Sex Scene" (metacafe.com, via egotastic.com)

Previously: Morning Wood: Lindsay Lohan's Art Imitates Life

Movies We Know Will Suck Dept.: "Lindsay HoHand"

Gram Ponante — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 21:23:35 EDT

While we admire - we guess - the ripped from the headlines go-getterness involved, a "XXX Sex Z porno" capitalizing on "Lindsay Lohan's recent troubles" and helmed by "Britney Rears" and "J Ho" genius Will Ryder just makes us long for the artistic integrity of a "Dirtpipe Milkshakes".

· "Paulina James to Play Lindsey Lohan in Sex Z Pictures Spoof" (avn.com)
· Sex Z Pictures (sexzpictures.com)

Lindsay Lohan is looking, um ... healthy...

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 10:20:10 EDT

Lindsay Lohan is looking, um ... healthy in this red bikini. Fortunately, she was "conveniently" relaxing right where the paparazzi could get a look at her. (We guess these were taken before she went to jail.) (egotastic.com + Gawker)

Yes, we are aware of the whole Lindsay Lohan...

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 10:59:50 EDT

Yes, we are aware of the whole Lindsay Lohan nude photo blackmail imbroglio ... but until we see the actual photos, we're not that interested. Even then we might need some convincing. (nypost.com)

Here are some new photos of Lindsay Lohan...

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 10:24:34 EDT

Here are some new photos of Lindsay Lohan enjoying a night on the town ... or playing a stripper in her new movie. We're not sure which. (Yes, we're going to keep making that joke. What, do you want your money back?) (celebpixx.blogspot.com)

Lindsay Lohan celebrates her 21st birthday...

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 15:01:02 EDT

Lindsay Lohan celebrates her 21st birthday by partying on the beach in her swimsuit. You know, sort of like what she does on her other 364 non-birthdays of the year. (drunkenstepfather.com)

Wet Spots: Lindsay Lohan's Swimsuit Therapy

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 20:26:12 EDT

· Hey, Lindsay Lohan, how that's rehab program going? Which one of the 12 steps is "ride around on a giant tricycle while wearing a bikini? (egotastic.com)

· Finally, someone is rewarding Marisa Miller for her obvious talents. If you don't think looking this hot is a talent, you must not get out very much. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· Remember Dutch hottie Katja Schuurman? Maybe these photos will jog your memory. (glizzy.nl)

· What the hell is going on with this giant inflatable monkey and his crotch? We don't think your kids should be playing in there. (giantmonster.com, via random-good-stuff.com, more @ Boing Boing)

· Here's a list of the only video games in the history of the Entertainment Software Rating Board to ever receive an Adults Only rating. You say "Strong Sexual Content" like it's a bad thing. (Kotaku)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Morning Wood: Lindsay Lohan's Art Imitates Life

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 25 May 2007 10:45:57 EDT

· Here's some homemade video footage of Lindsay Lohan dancing on tables and taking her clothes off at a strip club. Oh, wait ... it's from her next movie. The script must have written itself! (egotastic.com)

· That Tennessee trooper who collided with Barbie Cummings' hummer on the highway has officially been fired. But what a way to go, huh? (abcnews.go.com)

· Does anybody else suddenly have the urge to go to Hardee's all of a sudden? (hardees.com, via adrants.com)

· Next month's G8 Summit will be held at a German resort that includes a nude beach. Let's hope our president doesn't take diplomatic advice from this guy. (newsmax.com)

· The makers of video game shoot 'em up Halo 2 are reportedly delaying the release of their Windows Vista version due to uncontrollable nudity. Animation wants to be free! (dailytech.com)

· A survey of sex satisfaction surveys shows that 97% of Americans don't learn shit from sex surveys. (washingtonpost.com, via about.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Maxim's Hot 100: Everything's Coming Up Lohan

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 15 May 2007 15:50:58 EDT

Just like in boxing, where any guy wearing pants can throw on a belt and call himself "Champion," just about every famous actress can probably find some website or magazine to declare her the hottest or sexiest or most "do-able." female on the planet. (Maybe all three.) But we suppose a few carry more weight than others, since even legitimate news organizations are reporting on Maxim's Hot 100 list, which finds Lindsay Lohan in this year's top spot. Her nipple-riffic antics not withstanding, it tough to gauge exactly what put her over the top of Jessica Alba (FHM's Sexiest celeb) and Scarlett Johansson (who was Playboy's). Or why foul-mouthed pixie Sarah Silverman made the cover of the Hot 100 issue, complete with a spread inside, even though she's only No. 29. Or why last year's winnder Eva Longoria dropped eight slots to No. 9. Or why Ashley Olsen is number 37, yet her ~~identical~~ twin sister isn't even on the list. There are a lot of uncertainties in life, but the biggest may be why we can't get all these gals together for some kind of battle royale pillow fight to unify all the titles. Our society needs a queen whose legitimacy is unchallenged—otherwise all we have is anarchy.

· Maxim's 2007 Hot 100 (maxim.com, which seems to be buckling under the pressure of all that babery today)
· "Lindsay Lohan tops Maxim's 'Hot 100'" (cnn.com)
· Maxim Hot 100 2007 Girls List (gallery links @ torontopics.com)
· Sarah Silverman: Sexy Maxim Girl (justjared.buzznet.com)
· Maxim Hot 100 '07 on VH1, May 22 (vh1.com)

Previously: FHM's 100 Sexiest Women in the World 2007, Top 50 Sexiest Bums (Or Are They?), 100 Sexiest Bodies

Celebrity NippleWatch™: Lindsay Lohan Sticks With What Works

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 14 May 2007 12:00:15 EDT

This is not the first time gal about several towns Lindsay Lohan has let certain parts of her anatomy escape their clothing chains and run forth to paparazzi-enabled freedom. We are also quite certain that it won't be the last. Her current boyfriend will also probably not be the last to get caught groping her in public, but you have to give both of them credit for sticking with a tried and true formula. Drug problems, poor box office returns, and even Jane Fonda can't keep a girl from having enough fun for all the world to enjoy. Nipples got to slip, party girls got to party, and voyeurs got to watch. These are the days of our lives.

· Lindsay Lohan Nipple Slip (hollywoodtuna.com)
· Lindsay Lohan Nipple Slip Bikini Pictures (egotastic.com)
· See also: Jane Fonda To Discover She's The Only One Lindsay Lohan Can Count On (Defamer)

Previously: Lindsaygate: The Saga Continues, Celebrity CrotchWatch™: Lindsay Lohan Upskirt?, Celebrity NippleWatch™: Lindsay Gets Groped, Celebrity NippleWatch™: Lindsay Lohan's Back!

Wet Spots: No Shirt, No Service

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 01 May 2007 19:03:17 EDT

· Lindsay Lohan doesn't need a shirt to party hard. All those pesky buttons and sleeves just weigh you down. (egotastic.com + hollywoodtuna.com)

· Someone at the New York Times has spent a lot of time thinking about duck penises. We're glad somebody does. (nytimes.com)

· For once, we're glad we don't know how to read German. We're not sure we want to know what our genital horoscope is. (astrogenital.de, via random-good-stuff.com)

· A Chinese artists asks, "How Big Do We Want Our Breasts To Be?" The answer? As big as is necessary. (reuters.com)

· The Iranian culture committee has approved the death penalty as a punishment for pornographers, so you might want to put the vacation to Tehran on hold for a bit. (avn.com)

· Don't you hate it when you turn on the Disney Channel and all you get is porn. Sorry ... we hate when that doesn't happen. (wcbstv.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Morning Wood: Lindsay Lohan Is All Aglow

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 11:30:21 EDT

· Lindsay Lohan is very shiny. Isn't she overdue for some truly insane public behavior? (egotastic.com, more @ drunkenstepfather.com)

· An artist plans to install 30 full-size nude male sculptures on rooftops all over London in a completely sensible plan that shouldn't cause anyone to get upset ever. (thisislondon.co.uk)

· Is video upload site XXX Uploads the target of jihad? Whatever happened to the good old fashioned fatwa? (ghettowebmaster.com)

· In what may be the strangest piece of royal gossip ever (and that's saying something) the future King and Queen of England may have broken up because of ... German porn maestro Klaus Harmony? For a dead guy, he's got one heck of a press agent. (pugbus.net)

· State lawmakers in Utah want to ban open wi-fi networks. Why? Because of the childrens of course! (kutv.com)

· Letter To The Editor Of The Day: "Come on, TV entertainers ... Your children are watching porn!" (pressconnects.com)

· Sex workers in India "employing" men to act as "partners" for "social and emotional support." Next week, India learns about the Pimp Cup. (indiatimes.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Morning Wood: Bad Education

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 11:30:33 EDT

· Who knew that Tee Corrine's classic 1973 Cunt Coloring Book was available on Amazon? We're so excited about ordering copies for everyone we know that we're going to have even more trouble staying inside the lines! (random-good-stuff.com)

· Parents, please remember "the birds and the bees" is supposed to be a lecture to your kids, not a live presentation in front of them. The goal is teach them about sex, not scare them away from it forever.

· A day after teasing everyone with a glimpse of sideboob, Lindsay Lohan continues to work her way back into the spotlight by serving up a pantyhose-sheathed upskirt shot. One day at a time, Lindsay, one day at a time! (drunkenstepfather.com)

· Orbitz' advertising is not very subtle. They are talking about cocks, right? (copyranter.blogspot.com)

· A Montreal YMCA tries to figure out how to keep wandering eyes from ogling spandex-clad exercisers, but isn't that the whole point of working out? (canada.com)

· Hooters are on their way to Israel—the restaurant, we mean, not the other kind. They've had those forever. (reuters.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Wet Spots: Lindsay Lohan's Peek Performance

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 18:15:21 EDT

· Lindsay Lohan seems to have missed a button. And a bra. And, uh, her pants too. (Yes, we told you we're experiencing a bona fide celebrity nipple drought these days.) Is this all part of her 12-step program? (hollywoodtuna.com + egotastic.com + drunkenstepfather.com)

· Kim Kardashian talks about the big day. Can you feel it? We're so excited that we ... zzzzzz ...... (complex.com)

· Meanwhile, Vivid is so pumped about this Wednesday that they reportedly offered Kim's co-star Ray J a four-picture deal. Looks like everyone's a winner! (tmz.com)

· Remember the flight attendant who bangs movie stars in mid-air? It turns out that sex on the job is just a normal thing for her, since her other job is "call girl." Hey, the woman likes to serve people. (dailymail.co.uk)

· Italy has banned softcore porn from its airwaves, ending a long tradition of free TV love. If Italy has given up, then none of us are safe! (variety.com)

· Will virtual sex ever replace the real thing? It will as long as you don't have to buy your computer dinner first. (ieet.org, via blog.wired.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Morning Wood: Almost As Good As Krispy Kreme

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 10:02:21 EST

· With the 24-hour Britney Watch still going strong, Lindsay Lohan must be wondering what she has to expose to get a little attention around here. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· Meanwhile, we're not sure where on this earth the sight of Paris Hilton's exposed nipple is still considered news—except, apparently, the UK. Bless their hearts. (taxidrivermovie.com + CNN)

· To the commenter yesterday who asked how far we're willing to go for a bad sex joke ... when it's this easy, you don't have to go very far. (uweekly.com)

· A 77-year-old Kansas man will not let a couple of prison sentences for interstate transportation of pornography stop him from becoming mayor of his town. They could use more people like him in Washington. (hutchnews.com)

· It turns out that penis size does matter ... to rodents. Fortunately for humans, rats can't drive sports cars. (msnbc.msn.com)

· Having sex makes testosterone levels rise in women, which increases the likelihood of orgasm, which makes women feel sexier ... which leads to more sex, which leads to more testosterone, etc. It's a viciously awesome cycle. (abc.net.au)

· Boobs on Bikes returns to New Zealand: "People say sex and perversion are wrong but look at it - when it's free to the public, half the city comes out." Enough said. (stuff.co.nz)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Morning Wood: Lindsay Is So Transparent

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 15 Jan 2007 02:45:25 EST

· Lindsay Lohan's new dress allows you to pretty much see what she looks like without her shirt on. You already know what she looks like without her pants on, so put two and two together. (americanidol2006blog + egotastic)

· ~~Mariah~~ Mary Carey is not clear on the concept of dressing rooms. Or underwear. Or shame, apparently. (video @ tmz.com)

· So Katie Rees gets booted from her Miss Nevada post, then gets handed $2 million to work at a casino in Las Vegas? Gee, girls who actually win beauty pageants are suckers. (accessatlanta.com)

· Cherie (UK First Lady, wife of Tony) Blair's new BFF is married to Robin Gibb of the Bee Gees. How nice. Oh ... and she used to do porn back in the '70s. Did we forget to mention that? (thisislondon.co.uk)

· "The fulfillment of women is at the heart of the experience of sex." Hmm ... we think we've heard that somewhere before ... but we can't quite put our finger on it. It's right on the tip of our tongue, too. (andhracafe.com)

· It seems the boys at NASA used to have a pretty good sense of humor back in the day. Naked ladies sure beat "lunar rover" jokes, if you ask us. (playboy.com, via Boing Boing)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Wet Spots: We Do Our Best Work Under The Table

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 17:27:18 EST

· Lindsay Lohan's mom, Dina, one-ups her daughter by getting an under-the-table handjob while dining at a fancy New York steakhouse. The young one still has much to learn. (nypost.com, via Gawker)

· Another strip club, another bust for prostitution, another mug shot gallery by the Smoking Gun. Doesn't anybody just take their clothes off anymore? (thesmokinggun.com)

· A former prosecutor turned big-time defense attorney may get to work a whole new side of the legal system, after being accused of running a high-priced call girl ring. At least he'll get to see a lot of old friends in prison. (nj.com)

· Remember those two cops who filmed a sex scene with an online pornstar? It seems they kinda, sorta regret that particular decision now. They do know how a video camera works, right? (winnipegfreepress.com)

· A Tennessee legislator doesn't like those late night "Girls Gone Wild" commercials, so he's just going to go ahead and make them illegal. (Along with any other adult advertising he doesn't care for.) Those ads are pretty annoying, but that's when we just change it to Cinemax. (xbiz.com)

· Finally, Japanese bikini butt wrestling. Or something. It's too late on a Friday to try and figure these things out. (YouTube, via shakewellbeforeuse.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Wet Spots: Who's The Real Miss Great Britain?

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 11 Jan 2007 17:22:44 EST

· Lindsay Lohan's Weight Loss Tip #37: When jogging, try to choose busy public streets, wear proper attire—bikini and high heels, of course—and don't forget your cigarette. (egotastic.com + wwtdd.com)

· Thank goodness Keeley Hazell is alive and well, and able to erase that image from our minds. She can always save our day. (page3.com)

· Danielle Lloyd is being sued for besmirching the title of Miss Great Britain. Sorry, but we prefer our titles smirched. (manchester.com)

· A "hooker to the stars" is murdered in London, possibly by a jealous ex-boyfriend. Rabid speculation about who those stars are should keep the tabloids busy for awhile. (thesun.co.uk)

· If you think public access TV is boring, you've haven't seen "Gulf Boulevard," starring Bob Gardeski and his videotapes of over 400 swimsuit competitions. Now that's good television. (sptimes.com)

· Does it really seem fair that police investigators can bust strippers for prostitution after having sex with them? The "we need more evidence" line only works so many times. (sbsun.com)

· If the purpose of this story is to warn young girls about predatory lesbians who will seduce them at school, why does it read like a Penthouse letter? Heck, we want to join too! (eastandard.net)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Wet Spots: "They're All Whores!" (Except Lindsay)

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 18 Dec 2006 18:52:56 EST

· Lindsay Lohan continues to embarass herself (and everyone else) via yet another email meltdown in which she reveals her new respect for pole dancers via playing a stripper in her latest movie role: "I mean really though, really, I didn't know it was actually possible to have bruises in such areas of the body. Strippers dude, I tell you, I really respect the cunts now ... I'm not gonna lie to ya." Somehow the irony isn't lost on us either. (Page Six)

· Although we've been trying to avoid it as much as possible, we couldn't resist these photos of Aria Giovanni trying out the whole Sexy Santa shtick. We think it works on her. (hornyoyster.com)

· Meanwhile, our friends The Wet Spots share the secret of the holiday gift that keeps on giving. Funny, Christmas means fisting to us too! (goodiebag.tv)

· Will the recent murders of prostitutes in England change people's attitudes about sex work? (Or the laws, for that matter?) Sorry if we don't hold our breath on that one. (timesonline.co.uk)

· Speaking of which, we sorta dropped the ball on the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers this past Sunday. We think our readers already know how to behave themselves anyway. (insidebayarea.com)

· You say "a nude man was taking a shower using a fire hose on the roof of a parking garage, in full of view a nearby apartment building" as if it were a bad thing. Is this considered unusual where you come from? (asia1.com.sg)

· Since you probably already bought David LaChapelle's book for everyone on your gift list (right?), you should take them to the Taschen store in Beverly Hills to get them signed by the author on Wednesday night. See, we know that things sometimes happen on the West Coast too. (taschen.com)

· Saturday Night Live offered up the best gift idea we've seen this year. Inexpensive, thoughtful, and fun to play with. Give it to someone you love. (YouTube)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Morning Wood: Lindsay Lohan's Lesbo Lip Lock

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 17 Nov 2006 09:38:46 EST

· It looks like Kelly Brook forgot to put on pants ... again. It's like the poor girl can barely dress herself these days. (mannysbabes.blogspot.com)

· OK, so we're pretty sure that Lindsay Lohan and Donna Karan are just really good friends and not, like, actual lesbians. But what can we say? We're suckers for alliteration. (popoholic.com)

· You saw the pictures of Mischa Barton's "nude" scene; now see the (short, and not very explicit) video. The flesh-colored underwear isn't fooling anyone. (egotastic.com)

· Sophia Loren gives a preview of her not naked photo session for the 2007 Pirelli calendar. Not bad, huh? Did we mention she's old enough to be your grandmother? (thesun.co.uk)

· In what could be the scariest news item of the year, Mike Tyson has reportedly been hired to turn tricks at Heidi Fleiss' new "Stud Farm." A convicted rapist with anger management issues working in a brothel? Yeah, this is going to end well. (starpulse.com)

· A Japanese man was arrested and accused of stealing over 5,000 pairs of shoes (and renting a warehouse just to store them), because the smell turns him on. The first 4,000 or so weren't such a big deal, but then it started to become a problem. (mainichi-msn.co.jp - thanks Mike)

· When it comes to hard-core video game sex, nobody beats ... Canada? We should've known something kinky was going on up there. (ctv.ca)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

We'll Always Have Lindsay Lohan's Nipple

Fleshbot — Fri, 10 Nov 2006 10:20:50 EST

As if guided by some primal celebrity instinct to get people to pay attention to her, Lindsay Lohan attempted to wrest the spotlight away from Britney Spears this week by staging a mini-comeback of her own, which involved crashing her Mercedes and arguing with her ex-boyfriend in a nightclub, publicly bemoaning her party girl image ... and, of course, the inevitable nipple exposure. At this point the sight of Lindsay's areolas aren't much of a novelty, and certainly can't hold a candle to the prospect of a star of her generation playing the skin flute in a homemade sex tape, real or not. But you've at least got to give her credit for trying. Bless her heart. (And her boobs.)

· Lindsay Lohan See-Through: spotted @ Hollywood Tuna, Egotastic, Yeeah!, et al.

Previously: Lindsaygate: The Saga Continues, Celebrity CrotchWatch : Lindsay Lohan Upskirt?, Lindsaygate: The Mystery Deepens, Lindsaygate: Case Closed

Lindsaygate: The Saga Continues

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 12 Sep 2006 15:45:58 EDT

Oh, Lindsay. Everytime we think we're done posting pictures of your exposed nether regions, you pull us back in. Surely you must know by now how easy it is for paparazzi to peer up your ridiculously undersized skirts everytime you leave a vehicle. Could you seriously have forgotten your underwear yet again? Or with everyone's defenses weakened by the mighty power of the legendary firecrotch, have opportunistic Photoshoppers become more brazen in their attempts to shame you? All we know is, our heart just isn't in it anymore. Perhaps a trial separation is in order. Or you could just pose for an official, on-the-record, spread-eagle beaver shot for Penthouse and then we can all get on with our lives. Please, at least do it for the children! (Er, we mean overworked porn bloggers.)

· "I am - Lohan Upskirt Pics of the Day" (drunkenstepfather.com; also spotted @ Egotastic)

Previously: Celebrity CrotchWatch™: Lindsay Lohan Upskirt?, Lindsaygate: The Mystery Deepens, Lindsaygate: Case Closed

Wet Spots

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 08 Sep 2006 19:17:05 EDT

· Take a cue from Eva Longoria and relax this weekend. If you could look really, really hot while doing so, that would help too. (But what's up with that moustache?) (idontlikeyouinthatway.com)

· Wired comes up with the subject for the "ultimate blog post" for Fleshbot (and others.) They forgot to include the Japanese leather enthusiast and Lindsay Lohan, but it's close. (wired.com)

· Speaking of Lindsay, it's good to see her taking a break from flashing her hoo-ha to treat us all to a nice old fashioned see-through shot. Ah, the good old days ... (drunkenstepfather.com)

· "Auto-eroticism undoes driver." Boy, if we had a dime for every time that happened to us, we could afford our car insurance premiums. (yahoo.com)

· Remember that police chief whose wife posed for porn? Well, instead of getting fired the chief, the mayor and a member of the city council all resigned. Great ... that should solve all our problems. (seattlepi.nwsource.com)

· Hiring strippers to entertain scientists at a climate conference seemed like a good idea at the time. Is it getting hot in here or is that just global warming? (casperstartribune.net)

· Cosmo has "101 Sex Tricks to Try Before You Die", but the website only lists the first 20, so you can probably get through all of them tonight. (ivillage.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Lindsaygate: Case Closed

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 07 Sep 2006 18:02:34 EDT

A mountain of overwhelmingly conclusive evidence has definitively proven that the Lindsay Lohan bare crotch shot we've been ~~obsessing over~~ studying all week is 100% genuinely real. (Maybe.) This latest development comes courtesy of the person who actually took the snapshot (er, perhaps—there's no direct quote or anything) and the information tags within the photo file (which could probably be faked as easily as say, a photograph, but still.) If all this is true, that means someone took the time and effort to Photoshop panties into a picture to protect the non-existent sterling reputation of America's most famous party girl. It seems like kind of a waste ... until you remember that we've done three whole posts on this now, so we're not exactly in a position to judge. We now consider the matter closed; until someone decides to re-open it, at which time we'll decide whether we still care, which is unlikely. You may now enjoy your celebrity vagina photo confusion-free.

· "REAL." (wwtdd.com)

Previously: Lindsaygate: The Mystery Deepens, Celebrity CrotchWatch™: Lindsay Lohan Upskirt?

Morning Wood

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 07 Sep 2006 10:00:00 EDT

· If you like behind-the-scenes fashiony stuff, you might enjoy this video about the making of a new advertisement starring Carolyn Murphy in her underwear and a few other people who are not Carolyn Murphy. Or you could go way behind the scenes and just watch her sex tape again. (vogue.co.uk)

· A police chief in Oklahoma will not lose his job, despite the uproar over his wife's affinity for appearing on porn sites. Hey, policeman's wives need hobbies too. (xbiz.com)

· Headline of the day: "Police Hoping To Expose Serial Flasher." That doesn't sound like it will be too much trouble. (cbs3.com, via Fark)

· You probably knew this already, but if you're being sexually harrassed at work, it's your own fault for being so damn sexy. Yes, please refrain from turning people on. (chinadaily.com.cn)

· An assistant coach for Detroit Lions was excited about the new football season, that he went for a drive and forgot his clothes. Hey, pal, let's leave the drunk, naked hijinks to the players. (freep.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Wet Spots

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 06 Sep 2006 19:25:32 EDT

· Did Kelly Clarkson really give up her car because of pornstar Alana Evans? Did we just post a gossip item about Kelly Clarkson? Is there anyway to resolve this auto dispute with some sort of naked demolition derby? (nypost.com, via idontlikeyouinthatway.com)

· If only Lindsay Lohan had seen these, her current troubles could have been avoided. But then what would have to we talk about? (missgeschickladylapsus.de, via Boing Boing)

· For a creepy, two-inch tall fake human, that Plasticman sure knows how to get around. (hansbernhard.com, via sexblo.gs)

· Learn how a gay male underwear party saved a children's puppet show. If this idea catches on, it just might save us all. (nymag.com)

· Officially, Goldman Sachs, the investment bank, can no longer be confused with GoldmanSex, the global escort directory. In reality, most people still can't tell them apart. (xbiz.com)

· This was a wise investment on Stacy Keibler's part. That ass ain't gonna last forever. (YouTube, via tubewad.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Celebrity NippleWatch™: Lindsay Gets Groped

Jonnobot — Tue, 05 Sep 2006 10:10:15 EDT

While you were busy roasting weinies or whatever else it is folks are supposed to do to celebrate Labor Day (we were busy nursing nasty Long Island Iced Tea hangovers from the night before, but you knew that already), celebrities were celebrating in their own special and classy ways—which for Lindsay Lohan involved getting felt up in a bikini by her boyfriend. After the jump, see why Harry Morton is the most envied man in America this morning. We're totally going to have to get ourselves invited to better parties the next time Labor Day rolls around.

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See more:
· "Lindsay Lohan And Her Boyfriend" (taxidrivermovie.com)
· "Feeling Lindsay Lohan" (egotastic.com)